My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
