My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize