So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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