today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
