i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will be naked everywhere
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
