I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
