So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
