Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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