Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your penis caused this!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
