and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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