Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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