i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
