By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
