dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
