just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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