so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
