I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
