I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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