All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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