the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
