she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize