Kiss
Puke
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
