all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
