I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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