i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize