Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
