I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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