I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
