four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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