I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
