i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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