There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
