when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
