I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize