I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
