I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
