It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
