Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You are the jesus of drinking
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
