ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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