I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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