Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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