a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
