Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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