I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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