Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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