I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I still have a little drunk in my system
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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