She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize