is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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