you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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