My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
