I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
