Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
