I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
