When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This house was built for laser tag.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
