your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
