i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
