Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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