What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
