I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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