That's intense
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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