my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
