he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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