I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize