Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
