If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
