the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
