you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
