yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize