So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
